AS SEEN ON TV - Cats have been watching TV for years, jealous of the commercials for Ronco GLH, “Great Looking Hair” for men and women with thinning hair. While the product called GLH is not suitable for animal use, Romco has announced their latest breakthrough in a long line of fantastic inventions: GLF, or Great Looking Fur, for cats! It comes in all solid and bicolor fur colors as well as Tabby, Tortie, and Torbie.

Scabbers [pictured above left], a nearly bald Sphynx from New Jersey, tells us that he had the pleasure of being one of the test subjects for the new line. Although he hasn’t been suffering from hair loss, per se, he has been bald for most of his life. Poor enough to not even be able to consider a hair transplant, and too prideful for a toupee, Scabbers says that GLF finally gave him a chance at an inexpensive solution. He tried out the Romco Great Looking Fur product and says that he is quite impressed with the results! The fine, almost lifelike hair fibers give him added warmth for those long afternoons sunbathing in the window. He also says that his roommate, identified as “Princess,” no longer makes fun of him for looking as though he’d been shaved! He is still ridiculed for other reasons, but as of now he still has yet to determine what that cause might be. Scabbers tells us that he is still very happy with the “spray on fur” and he plans to keep using it!

Since GLH has had such astonishing results in humans, and GLF seems promising for cats, I decided to give Great Looking Fur a try myself. In only one application, my fur seemed to have grown by 4-5 inches! It also seemed quite natural and comfortable to sleep on. There are only two warnings printed on the side of the can: “Consult veterinarian before use” and “Caution: May cause hairballs, weight gain, and obsessive-compulsive washing.” Luckily, GLF washes off easily and tastes like ocean starfish. In fact, I washed all of mine off within a few hours of application. If you are looking for a long-term solution for your hair loss, you might still want to think about something more permanent such as a hair transplant, medication, or a wig. But if you just need to put on a good look for your next cat show or a family reunion (does anyone actually go to those things?) then this may be just the thing for you!

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CALGARY - Humane society workers are puzzled today after removing 96 cats and one dog from a Marlborough Home. One dog, identifying itself only as “One of Ninety-seven” seems to think that it is actually a cat.

It all began a short time ago when One of Ninety-seven was a very naughty doggie. His humans, simple dog-owners at the time, were troubled by the canine’s constant yapping at cars and chewing of their shoes. The dog also dug up the garden and went poo in front of the television. Instead of taking proper measures like most humans would, the female of the household decided to delegate the task of training to another animal. She brought home a cat to show the dog how to behave properly.

Unfortunately, the woman miscalculated the cat’s capacity for teaching. The cat, disgusted and displeased with the dog, simply curled up and slept most of the time. So, she lured home another cat, and another, and another, each time hoping that one of the cats would be the one to teach proper behavior training to One of Ninety-seven. When the fourth cat taught One of Ninety-seven how to hiss, the woman considered the project to be a success and began to bring home more and more cats to educate the little dog.

After several months, things began to get a little crowded. One of Ninety-seven finally learned how to use a litter box and curl up in a window, appreciating the warmth of afternoon sunlight. The 57th cat taught One of Ninety-seven to chase a ball of string, and the 58th actually managed to get the dog to interest itself in mice. By the time the 89th cat was added to the household, the pooch could make a sound that sounded somewhat like a meow.

When the female brought home the 96th cat, the male had already given up hope and left the woman, dog, and cats for a better life in B.C. with a younger woman and a house on the beach. It is reported that the new woman doesn’t even like pets. Meanwhile, back in Calgary, things were getting cramped. Food and water were running low, litterboxes were overflowing, and pestilence took hold in the household as the cats passed disease back and forth amongst eachother. By the time humane society officials raided the home, four cats had already died of illness.

The female declared the training complete when One of Ninety-seven would no longer respond to its canine name of “Skippy” but instead just stared out the window with a longing look on its face. She then went to B.C. claiming to visit family, but some say that she might be trying to find her estranged spouse. Although she left a set of keys with a neighbor, the neighbor declined to care for the animals, opting instead to turn the keys over to the humane society to help release the imprisoned pets. Some of the cats may have been held against their will, and some humans are even hoping that their missing companions might be among the lot found at the Marlborough home.

According to experts, it is common for animals who are imprisoned by so-called “hoarders” to suffer from physical and mental anguish ranging from malnutrition to illness to behavior and psychological issues. “One of Ninety-seven,” whose favorite foods are now tuna and salmon, is a prime example of this seemingly growing problem.

Related stories:

Toronto Star: Close to 100 cats found in empty Calgary home

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This is just one of those things — I wish it were a joke, but it’s not! We see our fair share of sickness in our household, since we have 2 humans and 4 cats living in what I consider to be cramped quarters. Some of us have cat allergies (to dust — not eachother!), one has feline asthma, and all of us get hair balls! With all the coughing and hacking, sometimes we throw up on accident. Additionally, veterinarians say that it is common for cats to regurgitate their food as often as once a day. It’s not necessarily vomit, since it didn’t make it as far as our stomachs, but it’s just one of those facts of kitty life.

No one can miss this 1-foot-high, bright yellow sign that shows a cat in the act and reads, “Caution: Cat Vomit,” on one side and, “Cuidado: Vomito de Gato,” on the other. Made to look like the wet-floor warning signs that are commonly used in office buildings, the cat-vomit warning sign conveniently folds to fit beneath a sofa, bed, armchair, or coffee table—always within easy reach for the next “event.” Simply put, PETA’s new cat-vomit warning sign is the greatest feline-related invention since the litter box!

Your humans are sure to appreciate this household necessity. Now, when you’ve had an unfortunate sick-attack you can slink away to a private corner to curl up and nurse your tummy ache while your human does the messy business of covering it up with this sign. You won’t have to spend any time scratching stray pieces of paper or your human’s favorite t-shirt over the pile. This handy sign does the job!

We would like six, please!

For more information, visit PETACatalog.com or call 1-800-483-4366

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