Since 1935, Jaguar automobiles have been a symbol of luxury and sport the world over. Usually characterized by their hood ornament, a silver or gold “leaping Jaguar,” automobiles carrying this brand are worth massive amounts of money and are generally owned only by rich humans who collect expensive cars. While cats have been honored over the decades to be idolized in this manner, there is growing offense at a certain rich jerk who has taken his car collection to the next level.

In Los Angeles, California, a rich jerk by the name of Richard Head has a thing for what he calls, “The Real Deal.” On his personal Jaguar automobile (which he pronounces Jag-Yar) he had his staff remove the manufacturer’s hood ornament and and replace it with a real, live gold-colored kitten. Since cats can live for approximately 20 years, he expects that he will not have to pay for a replacement hood ornament for quite some time.

In an exclusive interview, Mr. Head tells Catnabbit! that he conceived this idea for a unique hood ornament after viewing websites such as BonsaiKitten.com. After discovering that Bonsai Kitten is a hoax when he tried to purchase a Bonsai Kitten hood ornament for his Jaguar, he decided to go the extra mile and have his staff design a unique hood ornament which he claims will both capture the spirit of the Jaguar automobile and be as real as a cat itself. Since real Jaguar felines are not available in a size small enough to be used as a hood ornament, he chose instead a small kitten which he believes will not grow much larger than the average housecat.

Mr. Head tells us that his feline hood ornament has been trained to pose in a menacing manner, which he expects to act as an excellent theft deterrant system.

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In our travels on the information superhighway (does anyone really call it that anymore?) we have found that there seem to be about 4 different “grades” of sites that are written by felines. We attribute this mostly to falling rates of feline literacy.

The lowest “grade” of literacy yields cats who type in an indistinguishable series of letters and possibly numbers, such as aks9skeeeeeee or wenpppppuyyy. While these words have a meaning that may be perfectly understandable to themselves, it isn’t very enjoyable for the more educated folks out there. These are the kinds of cats found cheating at scrabble.

Then you have cats who write in “cutesy-wutesy speak.” This group of feline writers is relatively well educated in reading and writing and can communicate with just about anyone who they need to speak with. They are friendly, loveable, and send “happy purrfday!” cards to their feline friends.

Next comes the graduated cat, a group of cats declining in number, whose literary capabilities are on-par with the average adult human. Their appropriate grammar skills are evident in almost all that they do. They think “purrfdays” are amusing but will send “birthday” cards to their friends.

Finally, you have the cats who are scholars of Catymology, which is defined as “the science and art of cattitude.” It is rare to find a cat who knows so many 4 and 5 syllable words. In fact, we were told of the official Catymology site a few months ago, but we were hung up on our review for many weeks while we took turns looking up the definitions of words like “amanuensis” and “hudhudious.”

We don’t think we are quite up to the level of a Catymology scholar, but are rather students of it ourselves. We apologize that we can’t fully understand the site, but hopefully there are cats out there who are scholarly enough to comprehend and appreciate the glory of the fourth level of feline literacy.

We hereby yield the Cat Site of the Week to Aloysius Katz, a.k.a. Aloysius Pangur Ban, M.F.A. (Master of Feline Arts).

Link: Catymology

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On the first day of creation, God created the cat….
On the second day, God created man to serve the cat….
On the third day, God created all the animals of the earth to serve as potential food for the cat….
On the fourth day, God created honest toil so that man could labor for the good of the cat….
On the fifth day, God created the sparkle ball so that the cat might or might not play with it….
On the sixth day, God created veterinary science to keep the cat healthy and the man broke….
On the seventh day, God tried to rest, but He had to scoop the litterbox….

Yes, it’s a cat’s world after all. Amen!

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