Just days ago, Britney Spears was caught using an expensive Zac Posen dress to mop up the feces of her newest little dog, while she was on the set at OK! Magazine. During the event she was also observed performing other strange behaviors such as scratching and rubbing on her perhaps-itchy genitals and urinating with the help of an assistant. While these behaviors aren’t exactly unacceptable to cats - we do these things ourselves from time to time - we are quite impressed to know that Ms. Spears gives the same special treatment to her pet cat, who asked to remain anonymous.
In an exclusive interview with Britney Spears’s Cat (here forward to be called “The B.S. Cat”), we are told that Ms. Spears has routinely lined his litter box with name brand designer clothing from labels such as Gucci, Chanel, and Versace. On several occasions The B.S. Cat discovered discarded underwear in his box. “It’s not like she wears it anyway,” he told us nonchalantly. There is no way to tell how long some items have been in there, although the cat tells us that his human complains of having misplaced several important items several years ago.
The B.S. Cat also tells us that when his box becomes too dirty to bear, he simply uses one of her designer handbags. He speculates that the scent of the inside of the bags might explain why she always carries her cigarettes and personal items in-hand instead of stowing them away.
The OK! Magazine article did not include pictures of the aforementioned events, however sources close to Spears have been moving their alliances to the pop star’s former husband, Kevin Federline. He seeks custody of both of her children, however The B.S. Cat is hoping that he might also be included in the divorce agreement. Federline could probably fetch a nice allowance for the cat’s expenses, including several thousand dollars a week for fresh Zac Posen dresses to line “the pan.”
Good Luck B.S. Cat, you will certainly need it!
For those who came here looking for actual satire, we’re sorry if we disappointed you. Check out The Carnival of Satire for the latest satire of the week!
The Carnival of Satire (#79)…
Welcome to our regular roundup of satire on the blogosphere (or the part of it that submitted something, anyway). We have some great stuff this week, beginning (predictably, for you regulars) with a post that has the word “monkey” in it:
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