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News, Humor, Jokes and Satire by Cats, for Cats!

Bad News for Garfield: Lasagna is Poor Choice For Feline Diet

Poor Garfield. He loves to eat Lasagna, but according to veterinarians, the pasta dish is not the best thing to have in your diet. While most agree that it can be eaten as a snack, it should not take the place of normal meals.

Cats, unlike dogs or humans, are carnivores. That means that we need to get most of our nutrition from meat. In a perfect world, there would be lasagna critters scampering through the walls of our houses, crawling across our floors, climbing our trees, or even flinging themselves selflessly into our food dishes. We could hunt them down, break their necks, and munch on them to our heart’s content. Unfortunately, lasagna is almost a vegetarian food. It doesn’t have legs, feet, or even a face. The only meat products in it are cheese and, if you’re lucky, maybe some sausage or other ground meat.

According to Dr. Mike Richards, DVM, “If you fed the cats just human foods you could run into problems with taurine deficiency and that could cause cardiomyopathy, a heart problem. If you keep the human food treats to less than 10% of the diet, there shouldn’t be any problems with this, though.”

Taurine is, however, found in raw meats! So, if you want to eat a lot of delicious food, I suggest chowing down on sushi. Just be sure to go easy on the rice, since it has almost no nutritional value for us kitty cats. There are a variety of different sushi flavors, such as salmon, tuna, shrimp, mackerel, clam, yellowtail, beef, horse, halibut, swordfish, crab, snapper, carp, blue marlin, trout… oh, excuse me, I got carried away there. Let’s just say there’s a lot of delicious food to be had if you just give up lasagna and give sushi a chance.

Sure, sushi can’t sprout legs to let you chase it all over the kitchen, but if your human is nice maybe you can convince him to tie the sushi to a string and let you eat it when you catch it. That’s a lot better than he can do with those kibble pellets, too!

Links:

Veterinary Information: Diet Problems in Cats
Cat Nutrition: The Difference Between Cats and Dogs

My Humans Eat Better Than I Do: An Editorial

picture of gaston

Lately there has been much talk about what we should be eating. The other kitties around the office have switched to Hills Science Diet dry cat food, and I too have been reconsidering my nutritional needs. Before making a choice as to which cat food I would enjoy eating, I decided to take a look at the big picture: What choices for feline nutrition are currently available?

First, I inspected my humans as they ate. Initially, I discovered that they were munching on boring salads and ham sandwiches. I’m not much of a lettuce or pork cat myself, even if others may describe me as “porky.” Then I discovered that my humans were sneaking off in the evenings and coming back full-bellied. It has all been a ruse! I looked over their receipts and found that it is true: they are sneaking off to restaurants!

Except for the Meow Mix CafĂ© in New York, I haven’t known of any restaurants. Little did I know that while I was sitting at home staring into my bowl of kitty kibble, my humans were feasting on fine cuts of meaty steaks and luscious lobsters. I sit at home working hard writing up internet websites while they go out and dine on fresh salmon and tuna sushi. What do I get at the end of the day? That’s right, a little shake of the “Pounce” can and a few tasty morsels from inside.

I wouldn’t consider myself a greedy cat. In the past, I have never asked for much. Okay, I’ve asked for a lot: constant attention, back scratches, belly rubs, chin rubs, ear rubs, and more back rubs. In that list you might note that I never asked for much in the way of cat food, or even food in general. I have always gotten as much food as I needed and I enjoyed.

Well, I’m fed up with it!

From this week forward, I choose to resist all methods of feeding except for the finest foods. I will only eat from a fork. Do not give me pellets; I want veal, lamb, and lobster. I don’t want “Cat Chow” or “Meow Mix”; I want salmon, tuna, and cheese! Give me no tap water; I want a pristine bottled drink! Forget the Pounce treats; I want hors d’oeuvres!

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