The Cat-holic church has given a thumbs-up to the controversial film, The Da Vinci Mouse. In this thriller, cats worldwide will learn of the new and strange evidence of a secret thousands of years old - the famous Cat Supper painting by Da Vinci is hiding a colony of mice! This discovery will take our feline heroine, Sophie, on a quest through the halls of the Louvre to unearth the greatest secret of all. This movie has, astonishingly, been banned in several countries, due to controversial material presented in the film. For instance, some are filing lawsuits because some of the mice in the film are albinos and they believe that albinos are falsely represented as food to be preyed upon. The Cat-holic church has, however, deemed this film appropriate for cats of all breeds and ages, so get your tickets today!
Hazel Rocks Out With Paul Stanley Doll
Paul Stanley, the famous “Star Child” of KISS, has been the topic of conversation in many circles lately, as he is rumored to have a solo album called Live to Win coming up as well as a KISS tour date in Japan! Additionally, he recently made some new art work including abstract paintings and a self-portrait in his KISS makeup. So, I decided to see if I could get some time with this incredible “star” and see what he has to say for Catnabbit fans!
Hazel: Hi Paul Stanley Doll, thanks for hanging out with me tonight!
Paul Stanley Doll: Hey, pleasure’s all mine, you snuggly kitty you!
Hazel: KISS is one of my favorite bands! I’ve been wondering, did you ever listen to any cat bands for inspiration?
Paul Stanley Doll: You mean like Josey and the Pussycats? There was also White Tiger, which had a KISS guitarist in it, Mark St. John. They were OK but White Lion was better. The “Meow Mix” theme song is kind of cute. Meow, meow, meow, meow..
Hazel: There was an album making the rounds last year with dogs singing Christmas carols. Would you be honored with a KISS cover album made entirely by feline KISS fans meowing and rocking out to KISS songs?
Paul Stanley Doll: I think that such a project sounds like it has a lot of creative potential. You could even call it “Lap it Up” like our “Lick it Up” album!
Hazel: Hey, was Peter Criss really a cat?
Paul Stanley Doll: Are you kidding? We could paint whiskers on anyone and they could do as well as Peter Criss. We even tried this once on tour in 1997 and nobody saw a difference.
Hazel: Have you seen any cats on TV? Which one did you like best?
Paul Stanley Doll: I saw Milo and Otis, where one of ‘em falls in the river. That one was pretty good. There’s also the usual fare of Tom & Jerry, Garfield, Heathcliff, and that new one, Catbert. If I had to pick one to hang out with, I’d pick Felix the Cat.
Hazel: Of all of the KISS Action figures out there, which one is your favorite?
Paul Stanley Doll: There were the KISS Celebriducks. You haven’t really reached fame until there are bath toys designed in your honor. I’m kind of glad someone thought of this, because I was really tired of getting my hair wet every time some hot girl decided she needed to bring me along for her bubble bath.
Hazel: You should try what I do. I just bathe with my tongue.
Paul Stanley Doll: You should talk to Gene Simmons about that one!
By the way, Paul Stanley Doll didn’t want any of my catnip. In fact, Paul Stanley once said, “When you start fooling around with drugs, you’re hurting your creativity, you’re hurting your health. Drugs are death, in one form or another. If they don’t kill you, they kill your soul. And if your soul’s dead, you’ve got nothing to offer, anyway.”
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Internet Poll Reveals Cats Like the Golden Girls
IN A RECENT Internet poll titled Which Golden Girl Are You?, cats tested themselves to see which Golden Girl they resemble the most. Each lucky feline discovered that they were most like one particular golden girl. Catnabbit! brings you the previously unpublished results of this kitty quiz.
An overwhelming 87% of cats found that they were most like Sophia Petrillo, the eldest of the Golden Girls. A Sophia cat is witty and snarky, and when she turns her hearing aid all the way up to 10, she can hear a canary break wind in Lauderdale.
6% of cats discovered that their likeness could be found in the friendly, sweet Rose Nylund. Rose cats are great at telling St. Olaf stories, can make some very smelly food if you’ll leave enough ingredients within their reach, and sometimes they speak in a language no one understands. They also love cheese!
4% of cats are like Blanche Devereaux. Cats of the Blanche variety obviously missed their spay/neuter appointment. They always have a juicy story about some past lover, and they are always primping to get ready for their next romantic excursion.
3% of cats found that they are most like that character that Bea Arthur plays, but no one knows her name. When asked to name the character, 25 responded “Mr. Belvedere,” 13 responded “Kojak,” and 47 responded “Maude.” 2 cats from San Francisco said, “Bea Arthur is my hero!”