catnabbit!

News, Humor, Jokes and Satire by Cats, for Cats!

Wild Kitty Cat Food May Contain Peanut Butter

Last Week, the FDA released two statements regarding Salmonella (not to be confused with the tasty fish Salmon) outbreaks in two foods frequently enjoyed by humans and dogs: Peter Pan and Great Value Peanut Butter.  Additionally, the FDA released another statement 3 days prior to that, stating that Salmonella (not to be confused with the tasty fish Salmon) is also present in Wild Kitty Cat Food. 

Catnabbit! held an emergency meeting regarding these alarming statements.  During the course of the meeting, we came to a common-sense conclusion: Wild Kitty Cat Food must contain peanut butter!  The two alerts sent in the same week can not be a coincidence.

While Salmonella (not to be confused with the tasty fish Salmon) can make you sick, we can guarantee that peanut butter is infinitely more unpleasant to eat.  It gets stuck on the roof of your mouth and has the ability to fuse your jaw completely shut!  Cats who eat peanut butter may quickly find themselves unable to drink the only known antidote to peanut butter:  Milk.  We strongly recommend against eating any of the above mentioned foods, although the tasty fish Salmon is still considered to be safe for feline consumption. 

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Announcing Felipax Tampons for Cats in Heat

felipax tampons for cats in heat

Listen up, ladies — are you putting off that long-overdue spay? Are you a hard-working mama who takes care of her kittens when she settles down in between shows? Fed up with embarrassing accidents when it’s that time of the season?” Never fear, there is finally a solution to all your problems!

FELIpaX come in small packs which you can stow conveniently in your hiding place when those uncomfortable moments of the year roll around. The tampon is easily removed and inserted and can be done while you are doing your routine bathing. All female cats will be pleased to know that the FELIpaX tampons also double as a convenient play toy — there is a string which hangs under the tail, which you can chase all day! Consider it a lure for the playful toms out there, too.

According to Tabbie of Roseland, IA, the FELIpaX stays in place and doesn’t cause any discomfort. She says, “Now I can nap in peace without worrying about what might happen to my pillows!”

We ladies of Catnabbit! haven’t had the opportunity to test these out for ourselves since Catnabbit! is a spay/neuter household. If we weren’t, we’d probably never get any work done!

Related:

Feline Brassiere Unveiled
Mailroom: How Can I Tell if my Cat is Pregnant?
Pregnancy Symptoms in Cats

CAT Scan Reveals Cat has Two Heads

cat scan picture

TEXAS — Veterinarians are flocking to the Texas A&M College of Veterinary Medicine to view impressive films depicting a cat with two heads. Doppio is a bicolored black & white cat who appears to look like any other cat. However, CAT scan equipment used in seven different veterinary institutions has revealed that Doppio may have a second head which is invisible to both human and feline eyes.

CAT scans are reportedly difficult to decipher because they take several images in “slices” which show parts of the body from different angles. In Doppio’s scan, a second head is visible at another angle, and this is corroborated by the presence of two necks at the front of the cat’s body.

Experts believe that this phenomena may be related to the “sonic hedgehog” gene which causes some kittens to be born with two faces. Since only one head is visible to the naked eye, veterinarians are puzzled as to how the second head could apear to the CAT scan machine. Due to the nature of the equipment, a CAT scan can only display an image that reflected off of actual matter. Since the second head can not be seen or felt, there has been speculation as to whether Doppio may have a “ghost head” that belongs to a siamese twin kitten that did not fully develop in the womb.

Doppio is in good health and was only receiving the test as a routine check for abnormalities since he has had trouble dislodging a hairball in recent weeks. He has since released the hairball and has no further complaints or complications.

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