Just in time for Mother’s day, here’s a joke you can share with your humans about wrapping gifts.

Wrapping presents with the help of your cat
by Mark St Jefferson, Bow, London, UK

1. Clear large space on table for wrapping present.
2. Go to wardrobe and collect bag in which present is contained, and close door.
3. Open door and remove cat from wardrobe.
4. Go to cupboard and retrieve rolls of wrapping paper.
5. Go back and remove cat from cupboard.
6. Go to draw, and collect transparent sticky tape, ribbons, scissors labels etc.
7. Lay out presents and wrapping materials on table, to enable wrapping strategy to be formed.
8. Go back to draw to get string, remove cat that has been in the draw since last visit and collect string.
9. Reopen draw and re-remove cat.
10. Remove present from bag.
11. Remove cat from bag.
12. Open box to check present, remove cat from box, replace present.
13. Lay out paper to enable cutting to size.
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All I Need To Know About Birthdays, I Learned From My Cat

• Be finicky - they’ll try harder to please you.
• Give attitude - get attention.
• If you don’t like your presents, SULK.
• If you get bored at your party - just curl up for a nap.
• Don’t stress out over your first grey whisker.
• Act completely unimpressed by the presents you receive.
• Remember, this is your day, so if anyone bugs you, you’re allowed to hiss and spit.
• Take the day off and lie in the sun.
• Stay out on the prowl all night long.
• Demand only the most expensive fresh fish for dinner.
• It’s a good day to shed your inhibitions.
• Act catty - toy with your presents before you tear them open.
• Don’t overdo it with the catnip or you’ll regret it in the morning.
• If you aren’t getting enough attention, sharpen your claws on somebody’s leg.
• Don’t let anything or anyone PUT YOU OUT!
• And remember… curiosity might kill you, but birthdays won’t!

Received by e-mail from a human named Laurie

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1 - Law of Cat Inertia
A cat at rest will tend to remain at rest, unless acted upon by some outside force - such as the opening of a tin of cat food, or a nearby scurrying mouse.

2 - Law of Cat Motion
A cat will move in a straight line, unless there is a really good reason to change direction.

3 - Law of Cat Magnetism
All blue blazers and black sweaters attract cat hair in direct proportion to the darkness of the fabric.

4 - Law of Cat Thermodynamics
Heat flows from a warmer to a cooler body, except in the case of a cat, in which case all heat flows to the cat.

5 - Law of Cat Stretching
A cat will stretch to a distance proportional to the length of the nap just taken.

6 - Law of Cat Sleeping
All cats must sleep with people whenever possible, in a position as uncomfortable for the people involved as is possible for the cat.

7 - Law of Cat Elongation
A cat can make her body long enough to reach just about any counter top that has anything remotely interesting on it.

8 - Law of Cat Acceleration
A cat will accelerate at a constant rate, until he gets good and ready to stop.

9 - Law of Rug Configuration
No rug may remain in its naturally flat state for very long.

10 - Law of Obedience Resistance
A cat’s resistance varies in proportion to a human’s desire for her to do something.

11 - First Law of Energy Conservation
Cats know that energy can neither be created nor destroyed and will, therefore, use as little energy as possible.

12 - Laws of Love
A cat will love you forever and a day, if you love them forever and a day.

Received by email, author unknown

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