Welcome to the 2007 Top 100 Worst Cat Names list.  This is a list of reported names that real cats have encountered and these names really do suck.  If you are an expectant mothercat trying to think of names for your new kitten(s), be sure to avoid anything on this list!

1. Swimmer
2. Ducttape
3. Chewtoy
4. Eucalyptus
5. Balls
6. Spayed
7. Big Bad Baby Bentley Billy Joe Bob
8. Cocaine
9. Fattie
10. Chicken Head Nose Face Fluffy Butt
11. Scat
12. Chinese Food
13. Neutered
14. Sir Meowington Pudger Cat The Third
15. Small Man in a Catsuit
16. Alpo
17. Ghetto
18. Babe-ums
19. Bobbobmicbobob
20. Catbutt
21. Uranus
22. Hemorrhoid
23. Buzlingtonian Gingerbits
24. Roadkill
25. No!
26. Fluffbottom
27. Spittle
28. Beowoof
29. Mr. Fi-fi
30. Pig
31. Norman Tinkle-winkle
32. Lunch
33. Poo Poo Butt
34. Fussbudget the Squeak
35. The Urinator
36. Speed Bump
37. Susie Sex Change
38. Litter Meister
39. Countess Rumpleteazer Cattulus Anastasia Hecate-Baalith of Kalma Nefferkitty Baghera Bastet la chate noire
40. Humper
41. Dinglehopper
42. Buttsniffer
43. Tumor
44. Poop Machine
45. Hitler
46. Ikkle
47. Stinky
48. Chicken Chow Meow
49. Prissy Sissy With The Sassy Tail
50. Sacco The Amazing Fetch Kitty
51. Saint Pawl
52. Hairball Hockker the Horrible
53. Sand Rat
54. Cockroach
55. Monkey Face
56. Saturnian Amulet
57. Scaredy
58. Faux Paws
59. Dances With Squirrels
60. Goodyear The Blimp
61. ZzZzZzZz
62. Scootacious P. Fruitwinkle
63. Hanibal Lickter
64. Senator Loomis P Nutley III
65. Four-Legged Reason For Living
66. Hors D’Ouvres
67. Babbaboombanorsh
68. Ambiguous Eunuch FarFromScrewin
69. Battlescar Gallacticat
70. Nonuts
71. Fleabait
72. Senior Assistant Mouser
73. Sha-nay-nay
74. Shovel Head
75. Beauty School Drop-Out
76. Pee-pee-poo-poo-chew-chew
77. Volume Discount
78. Capt. Beauregard Schmoo-Diddeley
79. Miss Pretty Princess Abigail Smooch Face
80. Chicken Butt
81. Tubbsaflubbs
82. Neuteronomy
83. Christmas Eve Princess Six Toes
84. Mister Patootie Head
85. Percolating Pooky
86. Fartknocker
87. Flubbadubba
88. Paw Prince
89. Stumpy
90. Yabba Dabba Doo
91. Stoppit
92. Litter Clogger the Turd
93. Titicaca
94. T-bone
95. Freeway
96. Veterinarian
97. Satan Claws
98. Tripod
99. Kitler
100. Pussalini

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Antivirus, antispam, and anti-spyware. The current trend of PC protection focuses on everything but the cat’s long-suffering enemy: the mouse! In this Technology feature, Catnabbit investigates the best ways to mouse-proof your computer.

1. Use a reputable, effective mouse trap. A mouse trap used in conjunction with your computer will prevent it from being attacked by mice and a number of other small rodents. Think of it as a spare set of claws to stop anyone from coming into your computer’s territory. There are a large variety of mouse traps, including the kind that can safely hold the mouse while it is still alive, allowing you to take care of its fate in a way that you see fit!

2. Use cheese carefully. With the advent of new nutritional technologies, cheese is becoming a more popular delicacy in several parts of the feline world. Remember that while you enjoy your cheese, there may be a mouse nearby that might enjoy it just as much! Experts agree that computer repair is quite expensive, therefore you shouldn’t risk leaving cheese out near your computer! A mouse could eat your cheese, or worse, get into your computer. Protect your leftovers by sealing them in an airtight container, far away from your workstation.

3. Use an alternate pointing device, such as a trackball or touch pad. You’ve heard the adage that there is never just “an” ant or “a” cockroach. Where there’s one, there’s more. The same goes for mice: Having a mouse on your computer is an open invitation for more mice to take up residence at your PC. If you are looking for some mice to hunt, this might be a great lure, but we recommend throwing the mouse on the mouse-trap instead of keeping it at your PC. If you’re using one of the so-called “humane mouse traps” then you can use a mouse’s lure more effectively. Keep the lures off your PC!

4. Install an elephant. As you may have heard, elephants are afraid of mice. Fortunately for the cat, this stereotype is completely untrue! Have you ever seen an elephant lose a fight to a mouse? Mice are afraid of elephants due partly to the large size of the beast. Also, endangered elephants pose a threat to a mouse: if an elephant is in danger from something, then certainly this “something” must be greater and even more menacing to a mouse. Therefore, an elephant makes an excellent mouse deterrant.

5. Use caution when opening suspicious packages. Just like you wouldn’t open an unwanted email, don’t open a box if you aren’t sure what the contents will be. If there is any chance that the box might contain a mouse, open it in a controlled environment (such as inside a larger box) so that you can immediately chase after it and deal with it appropriately! No cat can walk with pride if a mouse gets away. Don’t even give it a standing chance!

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CRAWFORD, TEXAS - In the anti-terror capital of the world, there are only three things to do: Polish your gun, drink a beer, and play cards. In the first “deck of terror” novelty playing cards since 2003, the “Furr-eners” have a full house.

Modeled after the famous “Terrorist Playing Cards” and “Iraqi Most Wanted” (or “personality identification playing cards” as they were officially known), “Furr-eners” depicts the most evil, heinous foreign felines in the history of cat-kind. These “Most Wanted Cats” constitute the 55 felines that pose the greatest threat to cats today.

Since this pack of unique novelty cards are in a limited edition print, Catnabbit! has only been able to get their paws on seven of the cards, which we will share with you today.

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  ACE OF SPADES: Jimmy the Claw has a long history of trouble-making which ranks him as the highest in the “Most Wanted” of cats to date. In one harrowing story, Mr. The Claw dunked at least 32 kittens in a bucket of water as an act of “cleansing.” In another incident, Jimmy the Claw commanded his armies to vacuum the carpets in all households, creating an environment of fear for cats all over the world.

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  KING OF HEARTS: Rocky singlehandedly manipulates and controls all veterinarians in the United States. He forces them to stick needles and blunt objects into cats and conduct strange “tests” on us that we (usually) have not consented to. It is rumored that without veterinarians, 99% of cats and dogs would never have to worry about a needle or blunt object again!

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  JACK OF SPADES: Tinkerbelle has a quest: to dress all cats in fluffy, frilly pink dresses. Even the males. Once they are forced into this ridiculous garb, she wants to hug them and kiss them and squeeze them til they pop. While she has not yet said what she plans to do with the cats’ remains after they “pop” although rumor has it that she has a recipe for “kitty stew” she has stashed in the bottom of her toy box.

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  NINE OF CLUBS: Slash has been accused on 436 counts of of plugging cats’ whiskers into light-sockets. Cats who discover Slash should exercise extreme caution and possible call for backup before approaching this armed, and dangerous cat.

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  EIGHT OF DIAMONDS: Spike, one of the famous “Cats with Frickin’ Laserbeams,” has used his laser eyes to destroy over 5,024,912 kilograms of catnip in a supposed attack in the “war on drugs.” It is also rumored that he scared the pants off of Jack Bauer in the second season of 24.

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  FIVE OF DIAMONDS: PARIS goes from home to home sight unseen, video-taping cats (and humans) in their weakest and most embarrassing moments. If you’ve found yourself as one of the victims displayed on “America’s Funniest Videos,” you may have had Paris in your home and you didn’t even know it!

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  TWO OF HEARTS: Sylvester didn’t taw a puddy tat! This evil cat sneaks around at night in the homes of innocent felines and knocks over flower pots, glass collectibles, and other valuables so that everyone will get their feet messy first thing in the morning. He goes out of his way to frame the innocent house-cat as part of his work. Cats everywhere are urged to stop this evil cat at once!

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