Antivirus, antispam, and anti-spyware. The current trend of PC protection focuses on everything but the cat’s long-suffering enemy: the mouse! In this Technology feature, Catnabbit investigates the best ways to mouse-proof your computer.

1. Use a reputable, effective mouse trap. A mouse trap used in conjunction with your computer will prevent it from being attacked by mice and a number of other small rodents. Think of it as a spare set of claws to stop anyone from coming into your computer’s territory. There are a large variety of mouse traps, including the kind that can safely hold the mouse while it is still alive, allowing you to take care of its fate in a way that you see fit!

2. Use cheese carefully. With the advent of new nutritional technologies, cheese is becoming a more popular delicacy in several parts of the feline world. Remember that while you enjoy your cheese, there may be a mouse nearby that might enjoy it just as much! Experts agree that computer repair is quite expensive, therefore you shouldn’t risk leaving cheese out near your computer! A mouse could eat your cheese, or worse, get into your computer. Protect your leftovers by sealing them in an airtight container, far away from your workstation.

3. Use an alternate pointing device, such as a trackball or touch pad. You’ve heard the adage that there is never just “an” ant or “a” cockroach. Where there’s one, there’s more. The same goes for mice: Having a mouse on your computer is an open invitation for more mice to take up residence at your PC. If you are looking for some mice to hunt, this might be a great lure, but we recommend throwing the mouse on the mouse-trap instead of keeping it at your PC. If you’re using one of the so-called “humane mouse traps” then you can use a mouse’s lure more effectively. Keep the lures off your PC!

4. Install an elephant. As you may have heard, elephants are afraid of mice. Fortunately for the cat, this stereotype is completely untrue! Have you ever seen an elephant lose a fight to a mouse? Mice are afraid of elephants due partly to the large size of the beast. Also, endangered elephants pose a threat to a mouse: if an elephant is in danger from something, then certainly this “something” must be greater and even more menacing to a mouse. Therefore, an elephant makes an excellent mouse deterrant.

5. Use caution when opening suspicious packages. Just like you wouldn’t open an unwanted email, don’t open a box if you aren’t sure what the contents will be. If there is any chance that the box might contain a mouse, open it in a controlled environment (such as inside a larger box) so that you can immediately chase after it and deal with it appropriately! No cat can walk with pride if a mouse gets away. Don’t even give it a standing chance!

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CALGARY, “Jesusland” — Albertan cats are in disarray after reports that a Calgary litterbox has claimed the life of a third cat this year.

Caruso, a 5-year-old black cat, came into posession of a reportedly haunted litterbox last July in an estate sale. Always a frugal feline, he was overjoyed at the opportunity to purchase a low-cost litter pan that had apparently seen very little use. The covered cat litter box had recently been cleaned and shined, so without question, he bought and took the litter box home.

Witnesses say that they had seen a face in the side of the litterbox (see photo above) but Caruso’s curiosity only strengthened when he later discovered that the litter box was in fact listed as “haunted” in a feline registry of ghost-inhabited litterboxes. Ghosts frequently bite a cat on the tail while a litterbox is occupied, causing a cat to exit without covering his waste. Subsequently a bitten cat may run rabid around his home until the ghost’s venom subsides.

In this particular case, Caruso had not heard of what this particular haunted litterbox was capable of. The ghost occupant of the litterbox had already bitten several of his housemates, but Caruso had been known to make the most “fragrant” deposits in any litterbox he visited. Witnesses say that this angered the ghost greatly, and it violently attacked Caruso after one particularly stinky “poo.”

Previous victims include Kashka and Hurlyburlybuss, also of Calgary. Franchette of Trois-Rivières is also listed as a possible victim, but she does not count as she is from Québec.

The haunted litterbox is now being held by a local church as it readies itself to perform an exorcism.

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Wiltshire, ENGLAND - A cat has awoken to find that aliens have shaved crop circles in her fur.

Like any other British moggie, Bianca naps for 18 hours a day. She eats an average diet and lives a normal life. In her spare time, she enjoys shredding paper towels and swatting things that move on the telly. Everyone is puzzled as to why aliens chose this particular cat for their latest “crop circle” prank after nearly thirty years of mowing crop circles in the fields of Wiltshire.

It is believed that crop circles form as a result of the flight and landing patterns of flying saucers, or UFO’s for short. England has been plagued with visits from these strange vehicles since the late 1890’s, but only recently has the phenomena become famous. A number of cats have reported alien abductions in relation to crop circle formations in their area, but none of these have been confirmed.

Bianca’s case is the first recorded incident in which a crop circle has formed in a cat’s fur. On the left side of her back and abdomen, aliens have etched what appears to be the shape of many circles that altogether look like a fish with pellets shooting out of its mouth.

“I believe that it is a message from our brothers from Planet Hsif,” Bianca said in an interview on Wednesday. “They must think that we should prepare for a battle with Earth’s fish.”

Although Bianca does not recall being abducted by aliens, she reports that her bottom does “feel a bit sore” and she plans to stay home for a few days to rest up.

Related:

Wikipedia: History of Crop Circles

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