CRAWFORD, TEXAS – In the anti-terror capital of the world, there are only three things to do: Polish your gun, drink a beer, and play cards. In the first “deck of terror” novelty playing cards since 2003, the “Furr-eners” have a full house.

Modeled after the famous “Terrorist Playing Cards” and “Iraqi Most Wanted” (or “personality identification playing cards” as they were officially known), “Furr-eners” depicts the most evil, heinous foreign felines in the history of cat-kind. These “Most Wanted Cats” constitute the 55 felines that pose the greatest threat to cats today.

Since this pack of unique novelty cards are in a limited edition print, Catnabbit! has only been able to get their paws on seven of the cards, which we will share with you today.

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  ACE OF SPADES: Jimmy the Claw has a long history of trouble-making which ranks him as the highest in the “Most Wanted” of cats to date. In one harrowing story, Mr. The Claw dunked at least 32 kittens in a bucket of water as an act of “cleansing.” In another incident, Jimmy the Claw commanded his armies to vacuum the carpets in all households, creating an environment of fear for cats all over the world.

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  KING OF HEARTS: Rocky singlehandedly manipulates and controls all veterinarians in the United States. He forces them to stick needles and blunt objects into cats and conduct strange “tests” on us that we (usually) have not consented to. It is rumored that without veterinarians, 99% of cats and dogs would never have to worry about a needle or blunt object again!

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  JACK OF SPADES: Tinkerbelle has a quest: to dress all cats in fluffy, frilly pink dresses. Even the males. Once they are forced into this ridiculous garb, she wants to hug them and kiss them and squeeze them til they pop. While she has not yet said what she plans to do with the cats’ remains after they “pop” although rumor has it that she has a recipe for “kitty stew” she has stashed in the bottom of her toy box.

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  NINE OF CLUBS: Slash has been accused on 436 counts of of plugging cats’ whiskers into light-sockets. Cats who discover Slash should exercise extreme caution and possible call for backup before approaching this armed, and dangerous cat.

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  EIGHT OF DIAMONDS: Spike, one of the famous “Cats with Frickin’ Laserbeams,” has used his laser eyes to destroy over 5,024,912 kilograms of catnip in a supposed attack in the “war on drugs.” It is also rumored that he scared the pants off of Jack Bauer in the second season of 24.

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  FIVE OF DIAMONDS: PARIS goes from home to home sight unseen, video-taping cats (and humans) in their weakest and most embarrassing moments. If you’ve found yourself as one of the victims displayed on “America’s Funniest Videos,” you may have had Paris in your home and you didn’t even know it!

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  TWO OF HEARTS: Sylvester didn’t taw a puddy tat! This evil cat sneaks around at night in the homes of innocent felines and knocks over flower pots, glass collectibles, and other valuables so that everyone will get their feet messy first thing in the morning. He goes out of his way to frame the innocent house-cat as part of his work. Cats everywhere are urged to stop this evil cat at once!

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