ORLANDO, Fla. – The Department of Health has issued an alert after a cat making “strange screaming noises” violently attacked a number of humans and dogs in Orange County.

It started just as any other demon posession story begins: an item is passed from one person, to another, to another, until such a mystery surrounds it that nobody could guess how it happened. In this case, it was a poor, defenseless feral cat found near the Cricket Club apartments. He was not feeling so well, so the humans who discovered him decided to rescue him and nurse him back to health.

When they realized the kitty’s illness was too much to bear and the sick, stray cat could not be left alone, they transferred him to the close care of some friends who live north of Rio Pinar. Once he was there, the feline’s symptoms got worse as he began to show the classic signs of demon posession: extreme physical strength, uncontrollable swearing, seeking power and control, and total lack of reason. When the humans asked the cat his name, he vomited pea soup and responded, “I am Beelzebub, the chief of the devils – and I intend to throw you through that window.”

Once, Jesus Christ himself actually encouraged demons to inhabit some pigs. Thus, the process of exorcism in the past has not been limited to humans, but in fact has also been used to remove insects from crops and cast demons out of animals. Unfortunately, in this case the typical usage of holy water and prayers was not doing the trick. The poor cat’s demon proved too great for the surrounding people and time was growing short.

The humans tried, with great difficulty, to restrain the cat, but the cat’s power was too great for them. Instead, the cat escaped and began his reign of terror on the otherwise quiet neighborhood. “The cat came up from behind us and was screaming,” said the attacked human Adam Maul. “I mean I’ve never heard a cat scream so loud. The cat ran out from underneath the car and bit me in my ankle.”

Beelzebub, or his diseased victim, proceeded to attack 14 other humans and a number of dogs. Soon he was captured and put out of his misery, but not before both veterinarians and priests were consulted. Health officials have tested the cat and found that in addition to demonic posession, the mysterious cat also had rabies. Affected humans are receiving vaccinations against rabies at this time. It is unknown whether any of the bitten canines are current on rabies immunization.

Related:

The Exorcism of Emily Rose
Rabid cat attacks 15 in Central Fla.

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