CALGARY - Humane society workers are puzzled today after removing 96 cats and one dog from a Marlborough Home. One dog, identifying itself only as “One of Ninety-seven” seems to think that it is actually a cat.
It all began a short time ago when One of Ninety-seven was a very naughty doggie. His humans, simple dog-owners at the time, were troubled by the canine’s constant yapping at cars and chewing of their shoes. The dog also dug up the garden and went poo in front of the television. Instead of taking proper measures like most humans would, the female of the household decided to delegate the task of training to another animal. She brought home a cat to show the dog how to behave properly.
Unfortunately, the woman miscalculated the cat’s capacity for teaching. The cat, disgusted and displeased with the dog, simply curled up and slept most of the time. So, she lured home another cat, and another, and another, each time hoping that one of the cats would be the one to teach proper behavior training to One of Ninety-seven. When the fourth cat taught One of Ninety-seven how to hiss, the woman considered the project to be a success and began to bring home more and more cats to educate the little dog.
After several months, things began to get a little crowded. One of Ninety-seven finally learned how to use a litter box and curl up in a window, appreciating the warmth of afternoon sunlight. The 57th cat taught One of Ninety-seven to chase a ball of string, and the 58th actually managed to get the dog to interest itself in mice. By the time the 89th cat was added to the household, the pooch could make a sound that sounded somewhat like a meow.
When the female brought home the 96th cat, the male had already given up hope and left the woman, dog, and cats for a better life in B.C. with a younger woman and a house on the beach. It is reported that the new woman doesn’t even like pets. Meanwhile, back in Calgary, things were getting cramped. Food and water were running low, litterboxes were overflowing, and pestilence took hold in the household as the cats passed disease back and forth amongst eachother. By the time humane society officials raided the home, four cats had already died of illness.
The female declared the training complete when One of Ninety-seven would no longer respond to its canine name of “Skippy” but instead just stared out the window with a longing look on its face. She then went to B.C. claiming to visit family, but some say that she might be trying to find her estranged spouse. Although she left a set of keys with a neighbor, the neighbor declined to care for the animals, opting instead to turn the keys over to the humane society to help release the imprisoned pets. Some of the cats may have been held against their will, and some humans are even hoping that their missing companions might be among the lot found at the Marlborough home.
According to experts, it is common for animals who are imprisoned by so-called “hoarders” to suffer from physical and mental anguish ranging from malnutrition to illness to behavior and psychological issues. “One of Ninety-seven,” whose favorite foods are now tuna and salmon, is a prime example of this seemingly growing problem.
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How sad!