FREDERICK, MARYLAND - The National Cancer Institute has tracked down the pedigree of modern cats over 11 million years into the past, trumping human genealogy researchers who are still wrinkling their brows over their 20-25th generation back.

About 11 million years ago, the ancestors of today’s cats originated in Central Asia, migrating and populating the world with litter upon litter of felines that descended into today’s domestic housecat, the lion, the leopard, and other kitty cousins. Back then, the great cats which roamed the Earth went by simpler names, including gutteral roars and mews, since human language had not yet been invented. Researchers insist that none of the cats at the top of this pedigree are named “Mistress Grand Poobah Pumpkinface” or “Happycats Gogogadget Misterkitty.”

Likewise, human genealogy experts have found a great deal of information on their ancestors, but it is believed that they are being stalled by searching for silly things such as death certificates. “Of course they are dead, they lived something like a hundred and fifty years ago,” said Giggles, one feline observer of a genealogist. He continued to say, “My pedigree chart only lists names five generations back, but I am now certain that I did indeed descend from those cats in Asia. Thankfully, that question is answered, now I can go back to sleep.”

Today, there are 37 distinct species of felines, all descended from a common ancestor that lived more than 11 million years ago. According to researchers, this happened about 5 million years before humans diverged from their common ancestor, chimpanzees.

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