CALGARY, “Jesusland” — Albertan cats are in disarray after reports that a Calgary litterbox has claimed the life of a third cat this year.
Caruso, a 5-year-old black cat, came into posession of a reportedly haunted litterbox last July in an estate sale. Always a frugal feline, he was overjoyed at the opportunity to purchase a low-cost litter pan that had apparently seen very little use. The covered cat litter box had recently been cleaned and shined, so without question, he bought and took the litter box home.
Witnesses say that they had seen a face in the side of the litterbox (see photo above) but Caruso’s curiosity only strengthened when he later discovered that the litter box was in fact listed as “haunted” in a feline registry of ghost-inhabited litterboxes. Ghosts frequently bite a cat on the tail while a litterbox is occupied, causing a cat to exit without covering his waste. Subsequently a bitten cat may run rabid around his home until the ghost’s venom subsides.
In this particular case, Caruso had not heard of what this particular haunted litterbox was capable of. The ghost occupant of the litterbox had already bitten several of his housemates, but Caruso had been known to make the most “fragrant” deposits in any litterbox he visited. Witnesses say that this angered the ghost greatly, and it violently attacked Caruso after one particularly stinky “poo.”
Previous victims include Kashka and Hurlyburlybuss, also of Calgary. Franchette of Trois-Rivières is also listed as a possible victim, but she does not count as she is from Québec.
The haunted litterbox is now being held by a local church as it readies itself to perform an exorcism.