Lately there has been much talk about what we should be eating. The other kitties around the office have switched to Hills Science Diet dry cat food, and I too have been reconsidering my nutritional needs. Before making a choice as to which cat food I would enjoy eating, I decided to take a look at the big picture: What choices for feline nutrition are currently available?

First, I inspected my humans as they ate. Initially, I discovered that they were munching on boring salads and ham sandwiches. I’m not much of a lettuce or pork cat myself, even if others may describe me as “porky.” Then I discovered that my humans were sneaking off in the evenings and coming back full-bellied. It has all been a ruse! I looked over their receipts and found that it is true: they are sneaking off to restaurants!

Except for the Meow Mix Café in New York, I haven’t known of any restaurants. Little did I know that while I was sitting at home staring into my bowl of kitty kibble, my humans were feasting on fine cuts of meaty steaks and luscious lobsters. I sit at home working hard writing up internet websites while they go out and dine on fresh salmon and tuna sushi. What do I get at the end of the day? That’s right, a little shake of the “Pounce” can and a few tasty morsels from inside.

I wouldn’t consider myself a greedy cat. In the past, I have never asked for much. Okay, I’ve asked for a lot: constant attention, back scratches, belly rubs, chin rubs, ear rubs, and more back rubs. In that list you might note that I never asked for much in the way of cat food, or even food in general. I have always gotten as much food as I needed and I enjoyed.

Well, I’m fed up with it!

From this week forward, I choose to resist all methods of feeding except for the finest foods. I will only eat from a fork. Do not give me pellets; I want veal, lamb, and lobster. I don’t want “Cat Chow” or “Meow Mix”; I want salmon, tuna, and cheese! Give me no tap water; I want a pristine bottled drink! Forget the Pounce treats; I want hors d’oeuvres!

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