Here are this week’s Kitty scopes. If you aren’t sure about which Kitty scope belongs to you, check out our article, “What’s my Kitty Scope Sign?” located here.
Tabby cats
Love is in the air! This week you are bound to turn some heads after you get a spa treatment to prepare for Valentine’s day. Treat yourself to a mud mask, facial, body wrap, pedicure, and even a massage. Don’t skimp on this. Paint those toenails and curl your hair. Before you know it you’ll be ready to bask in all the love and cuddling that is in store for you this week!
Ticked Tabby cats (Abyssinians)
You are what you eat, and this week, you’re a fish. Celebrate this by swimming in the bathtub. You can even share this experience with your human while they are doing their daily bathtub swim. Together, you are a school of fish, swimming around delightfully in your tub.
Torbie cats
This week, you will be feeling a bit insulted when your human locks you out of the bedroom for the night while they make a lot of noise and racket. It will probably sound like they are murdering someone, but rest assured, it is not a giant mouse. If it were, I’m very sure you would have been invited for the action.
Tortoiseshell cats
This week, you will have trouble sleeping at night. I recommend counting backwards from a gazillion, vocally. Do it in the hallway for added reverb, which is soothing to your senses.
Calico cats
Be smart when it comes to sky-diving off the refridgerator. You might discover that the small black thing on the floor is actually not an insect, but rather one of your housemates. This would be a good opportunity to take off down the hallway and hide in the bottom of the laundry hamper until someone can establish blame on anything or anyone but you.
Bi-color cats
This week, your horoscope can only be interpreted while you are under the influence of catnip. Go ahead, eat some, I’ll wait. Okay. Unexpectedly, a party favor on a Yellow Submarine disrupts your finest quality, craziness. Don’t panic. Remain calm. Consider quarterback-blitzing. A penitent clown will come to the rescue. No harm done except perhaps to your pancreas.
Harlequin cats
Have you noticed your fur is trying to tell you something? It has lost its sheen, its gleam, its shine! You have not been eating properly, and even though you could stand to lose a few ounces here and there, you can’t afford to cut corners for too long. You’re in luck. This week, your human will pull out a giant, fatty salmon and leave it on the counter while the phone rings. Grab it, quickly, and take it to the toilet while the human talks on the phone. Allow it to marinate for thirty seconds, then enjoy.
Van cats
Your human is going to be invited on a date and things are going to get uncomfortable when they bring the date home. Either you or the human is going to have second thoughts as to whether the other human should have been allowed inside the sanctity of your abode. I have the perfect solution for you, and it won’t even require you to get off your furry behind. Well, not using your legs anyway. Just eat a lot of cabbage for lunch, and break wind as soon as the offending human walks in the door. It will be months before they even consider coming back.
Solid cats
To your horror, you will discover that you are appearing on the Jerry Springer show this week, and apparently you were asleep during the taping. As the camera men followed your humans all through the house, you were sprawled in embarrassing positions with your legs spread in every which direction. By the time this has had a chance to sink in, you’re not sure whether to laugh or cry when you find out that your male human’s lingerie collection is now on national television.
Tuxedo cats
Avoid eye contact with those pathetic humans who are going to intentionally ignore you for the sake of some un-neutered, un-spayed human-to-human passions that occur way too often for your liking. You deserve better than this. If you discover your food dish is empty, or any of your belongings are out of order, go in and interrupt them until they at the very least tend to your problems.
Pointed cats (Siamese)
Your mind is a terrible thing to waste, and so is your mind. Wait a moment, I think I seem to have lost mine. Ah yes, there it is. Okay. This week, you may find that your scratching post doesn’t smell so nice. In fact, it’s pretty old and rank. This would be the perfect time to let your human know that he needs to use his vacuum cleaner, or get you a new scratching post, or both. What’s the plan, you ask? Well, this week when your human goes grocery shopping, they are going to bring back a bag of flour. Test your sharps in that baby, and let me know how it turns out.