Here are this week’s Kitty scopes. If you aren’t sure about which Kitty scope belongs to you, check out our article, “What’s my Kitty Scope Sign?” located here.
Tabby cats
According to the author Carl Van Vechten, Each individual cat differs in as many ways as possible from each other individual cat.. Mediate on that this week as you find yourself wondering whether you are blending in with every other cat in the world. Did you know that even clones of cats, with identical DNA, do not look alike? You are a very, very unique individual indeed!
Ticked Tabby cats (Abyssinians)
There is so much that can be said with the eyes. Did you know that you could have an entire argument with someone, using only your eyes? Try practicing this, this week, when you encounter that woman you really dislike. Just remember, paws off, and no hissing. Just stare at her with eyes that tell her, repeatedly, how much you loathe her. It’ll work, I promise.
Torbie cats
Sometime this week, you’re going to experience a rude awakening. I suspect it’ll have something to do with the kitchen sink or the bathtub, perhaps the toilet. Are you going to get a dreaded bath? In order to buy time before the event, ask your human to go fetch the rubber ducky, your special soap-on-a-rope, put your towels in the dryer so that they’re nice and warm afterward. While they aren’t looking, move a curling iron (powered on) near the rim of the tub, then when they have the nerve to put you in the tub, leap over the human’s shoulder, crawling over his back, pushing him into the tub. Be sure to quickly toss the curling iron into the water as soon as you have cleared both the human and the water. You’ll never have to take a bath again.
Tortoiseshell cats
Mark Twain once wrote about a tortoiseshell cat having a fit in a platter of tomatoes, or something like that. This week, your human’s going to have a tomato. Try having a fit in his platter of tomatoes, and your human will be amazed at your literary correlation.
Calico cats
I’ve been studying the dust patterns behind the refridgerator all day, and I’m puzzled by your results for this week, Calico kitties. The dustbunnies have moved to the middle left quadrant of the Fridge, which means that you are going to be hitting it big as the person who has to sort out the baby chickens right after they are born, separating male from female, so they can be separated. If indeed you do get this job, you can eat most of the males. Female chickens make more chickens, so you might want to let a few of those grow up.
Bi-color cats
Expect a fantastic week this week, Bi-color cat! You are looking fabulous, you pretty kitty you. All those hot window sauna sessions have really paid off. Treat yourself to some ice cream with catnip on top! I also forsee a possible increase in the abundance of toys at your disposal.
Harlequin cats
Oh, my, goodness! This week, your human is getting a wild hair up his butt to try teaching you tricks! Yes, you can laugh with me. Ha, ha, ha. You can deal with this however you want, but I wouldn’t recommend eating the clicker toy because it’s not very high in protein.
Van cats
All you want to do is sleep, but this week your human has a young and obnoxious niece or nephew who is going to poke you every five minutes and pull on your tail. As much as you’d love to bite the little runt, you really haven’t got the energy to move the muscles long enough to break the skin. Suffer your pain through a bowl of salmon dinner, and you can have seconds if it was a particularly miserable session.
Solid cats
Boy, are you going to feel silly this week when you find out those “cheese treats” you’ve been snacking on are really some kind of hippy vegan tofu crap. Next time, listen to your instinct and go with real tuna.
Tuxedo cats
This week: It is always unfortunate when the pet fish mocks you. That is, it’s unfortunate for the fish because immediately after he commits such an atrocity, he must immediately be imprisoned in your tummy. Yum, yum.
Pointed cats (Siamese)
Don’t be surprised when someone, be it your human or a dog or another cat turns to you for comfort this week. At first, you’ll think that they just want you to listen to their pathetic drivel about whatever it is that is bugging them this week. Then you’ll find out that it’s more like a three hour session of whine without any cheese. Then you’ll find out that all they really wanted was to use your body as a pillow and they weren’t really planning on talking at all, but that was delightful of you to ask what was on their mind.