Here are this week’s Kitty scopes. If you aren’t sure about which Kitty scope belongs to you, check out our article, “What’s my Kitty Scope Sign?” located here.

Tabby cats

This week, you will channel the talents of Ella Fitzgerald. You will know all the lyrics to great songs like, Baby, it’s Cold Outside, Cow Cow Boogie, Let’s Call the Whole Thing Off, and Top Hat, White Tie, and Tails. Invite all of your friends over for a fabulous dinner with a karaoke contest at the end. Of course you’ll win. Recommended menu for the meal: Fancy Feast 3-Flavor Grilled Gourmet Cat Food.

Ticked Tabby cats (Abyssinians)

Your creative juices are flowing. This would be the perfect time to invent a new toy or christmas ornament! We recommend using the entire Christmas tree for raw materials, and you can spread more Christmas cheer by arranging the leftover materials in small piles all around your house. If you are short on supplies, try a Large Stocking with Balls from Vo-toys. It’s got a little of everything you need.

Torbie cats

You are feeling run-down and bored. You seriously need some fresh air. Why spend all of your time climbing the curtains when you can climb a tree? Convince your pet human to open the door to your house and let you out in the yard. Don’t go far, since cars can pose a danger. Just head up the tree and sit up there until a big red truck arrives. Don’t make everyone cause a fuss over you. Be polite and greet your visitors at the ground level. Can’t get your human to let you outdoors? The Claw Pals Cat Tree might substitute.

Tortoiseshell cats

Everything is making you mad. Humans, dogs, other cats, even mice. They’ve all taken over your home and they’re singing songs of this so-called “Christmas Cheer.” If they’ve claimed all rights to your house, there’s only one solution: get your own house. Build yourself a fort, using the following materials: old newspapers, books, shoes, and that smelly kid’s video games. Once everything is arranged you can settle in for some peace and quiet. If you’re the lazy type, you could just buy yourself one of these: Bigfoot Mansion.

Calico cats

You’re a genius, and this week, nobody gets it. We recommend taking everyone in your household hostage. Provided you still have your claws, or at least your teeth, you should be able to accomplish this easily using those bits of string that are always lying around. First, tie everyone up, and then threaten them with bites and scratches if they try to move. Once everything is in place, leave a Ransom Letter on the front porch.

Bi-color cats

You’ve got the green thumb this week. It may be a little cold outside, but it’s your week to get out in the garden and begin treating the soil and preparing it with fertilizer for next year’s planting. Take a little time to sniff the poinsettias, and enjoy the crisp December air. Before you go back inside to the warmth of the fire and a bowl of tuna, be sure to leave one of these in your yard: Stripes The Cat Whirligig.

Harlequin cats

Much to your dismay, this week your pet dog will learn to jump high enough to nip at your tail as you sit on tables or counters. This problem is easily fixed by attaching weights to its feet, holding it down to the ground. If the weights are heavy enough, it’ll also be quite fun to watch them scoot around on the ground like they are rollerskating. After you patch up your tail you should treat yourself to a day at the Cat Spa.

Van cats

This week, the veterinarian says you are too fat. So what? It just means that you live a good, pampered life. You can sleep whenever you want, and you don’t have to run the streets dodging cars. You also get to eat the best food every day, only as much of it as you want. After such a humiliating letdown from the vet, you deserve a treat. We recommend a What’s For Dinner Birdhouse. It will catch your snacks right in the belly.

Solid cats

This week, one of your co-inhabitants will have kittens in the basement. You weren’t the father, so what do you care? Get back at them all by naming each of the kittens after Christmas-y things, like Rudolph and Santa. That way everyone will make fun of them at Easter. Send each of them off with a Kitten Calendar with all of the pages but December pulled out. They’ll never know what hit them.

Tuxedo cats

This week, your pet humans are spending more time focusing on eachother and almost no time paying attention to you. In fact, you will most likely be locked in the bathroom or another dark room for several hours. At first, you will probably cry and scratch at the door. Try not to pee on the floor, even though you know you’ll want to. Maybe if you tolerate their outrageous behavior, your pet humans might bring home one of these: See Yourself Cat Looks in Mirror Sees Tiger Cotton Throw Blanket.

Pointed cats (Siamese)

What is this crap? This week, your pet human is going to try every trick in the book to anger you. Including trying to sneak “festive clothing” on you while you sleep. One day, you’re going to wake up with an annoying “antler” headband, or an elf costume on your back. Worst case, they might sneak a bell on your collar. We recommend shredding the evidence and putting up a sign to warn humans against future attacks. Try this one: CAUTION: SIAMESE WITH ATTITUDE.

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