NEW YORK - A 2-year-old mixed Domestic Shorthair - Russian Blue cat has officially changed her legal name to the sound of a can opener.

The cat formerly known as Weeza, pictured above with her pet human, chose to change her name because she feels that the name suits her better. “They call me with this name more often than they call me Weeza. It only makes sense that this must be my name instead.”

Previously, cats have changed their names due to being born with a poorly-chosen name (such as those on Catnabbit!’s previous Top 100 list of Worst Cat Names Ever), or when their humans begin to call the cat “No!” or “Stopthat!” instead of their given name. The cat formerly known as The artist formerly known as Prince’s cat changed his name when his human chose a symbol for a name. That cat chose a symbol as well, which looks like the red dot of a laser pointer.

The cat formerly known as Weeza is the first known and documented case of a name change to the sound of a can opener.

Click here to hear the sound of a can opener which has been legally documented as this cat’s new name.

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16. Couldn’t muster up sufficient disdain if all nine lives depended on it!

15. You’ve repeatedly found him in the closed garage, hunched over the wheel of your running Buick.

14. Sits for hours in fascination while listening to Bob Dole.

13. Teeth and claw marks all over your now-empty bottles of Prozac.

12. No longer licks paws clean, but washes them at the sink again and again and again…

11. Continually scratches on the door to get in… the OVEN door.

10. Doesn’t get Garfield, but laughs like hell at Marmaduke.

9. Rides in your car with its head out the window.

8. She’s a dues-paid, card-carrying member of the Reform Party.

7. You realize one day that the urine stains on the carpet actually form the letters N-E-E-D T-H-E-R-A-P-Y.

6. Has built a shrine to Andrew Lloyd Webber entirely out of empty “9 Lives” cans.

5. Spends all day in litterbox separating the green chlorophyll granules from the plain white ones.

4. After years of NPR, Tabby is suddenly a Ditto-Puss.

3. Sullen and overweight, your sunglass-wearing cat shoots the TV with a .45 Magnum when it sees cartoon depictions of stupid or lazy felines.

2. Your stereo is missing, and in the corner you find a pawn ticket and 2 kilos of catnip.

and the Number 1 Sign Your Cat has a Personality Disorder…

1. Makes an attempt on “First Cat” Sock’s life in a pathetic attempt to impress Jodie Foster.

Thanks to the anonymous emailer!

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MICHIGAN - Toonces has long enchanted the hearts of television viewers after his appearances on Saturday Night Live starring as Toonces, the Driving Cat, but little did anyone know that his evil twin sister, Floonces, really does have a drinking problem. Late Sunday evening, Floonces was arrested on charges of Drunk Driving and Public Urination, suggesting to those of us at Catnabbit! that she may have been the one to write in advance asking what the penalties might be.

According to authorities, the red 1987 Ford purported to be owned by Floonces the Drunk Driving Cat was seen flying off a cliff late Sunday evening. When police arrived at the scene, the cat was discovered to be urinating on the telephone pole with which her car had collided. The Feline floozy then proceeded to fail all three (videotaped) field sobriety tests which the police gave her. When asked to touch her paw to her nose, she laid down and went on to lick her behind. When asked to recite the alphabet, Floonces stumbled after “n.” She claimed, according to the arrest report, that the letter “n” was followed by “i, z, m, n, o, p, q, r, s, t, v, z, t, u, v……….x,y,z.” Lastly, when the cat was asked to walk a straight line, turn around, and walk back, Floonces took thirteen steps and fell forward, flat on her face.

Although the legal limit in Michigan is 0.08, Floonces tested for a blood alcohol level of 5.72. This level would be considered “beyond fatal” by most veterinarians and physicians, but Floonces may have survived her accident because of the amount of alcohol in her system. One county jail employee was quoted as saying, “That’s more like blood in her alcohol stream.”

After posting a $25 bond, Floonces the Drunk Driving Cat was released at 8:20 a.m. from the county lockup. Upon her release, she was given back her personal belongings which included fourteen pounds of catnip, a “black cat” shot glass, six cans of Pounce cat treats, and a plastic water gun.

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