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News, Humor, Jokes and Satire by Cats, for Cats!

Floonces the Drunk Driving Cat Busted for DUI

Floonces the Drunk Driving CatMICHIGAN - Toonces has long enchanted the hearts of television viewers after his appearances on Saturday Night Live starring as Toonces, the Driving Cat, but little did anyone know that his evil twin sister, Floonces, really does have a drinking problem. Late Sunday evening, Floonces was arrested on charges of Drunk Driving and Public Urination, suggesting to those of us at Catnabbit! that she may have been the one to write in advance asking what the penalties might be.

According to authorities, the red 1987 Ford purported to be owned by Floonces the Drunk Driving Cat was seen flying off a cliff late Sunday evening. When police arrived at the scene, the cat was discovered to be urinating on the telephone pole with which her car had collided. The Feline floozy then proceeded to fail all three (videotaped) field sobriety tests which the police gave her. When asked to touch her paw to her nose, she laid down and went on to lick her behind. When asked to recite the alphabet, Floonces stumbled after “n.” She claimed, according to the arrest report, that the letter “n” was followed by “i, z, m, n, o, p, q, r, s, t, v, z, t, u, v……….x,y,z.” Lastly, when the cat was asked to walk a straight line, turn around, and walk back, Floonces took thirteen steps and fell forward, flat on her face.

Although the legal limit in Michigan is 0.08, Floonces tested for a blood alcohol level of 5.72. This level would be considered “beyond fatal” by most veterinarians and physicians, but Floonces may have survived her accident because of the amount of alcohol in her system. One county jail employee was quoted as saying, “That’s more like blood in her alcohol stream.”

After posting a $25 bond, Floonces the Drunk Driving Cat was released at 8:20 a.m. from the county lockup. Upon her release, she was given back her personal belongings which included fourteen pounds of catnip, a “black cat” shot glass, six cans of Pounce cat treats, and a plastic water gun.

The Feline Bill of Rights

The Feline’s Bill of Rights
(Of the Cat’s Constitution)

Just like humans, cats are part of the family and have the following rights:

1. The right to be full members of your family. They thrive on social interaction, praise, and love.
2. The right to stimulation. They need new games, new toys, new experiences, and new smells to be happy.
3. The right to regular exercise. Without it, they could become hyper, sluggish… or fat.
4. The right to have fun. They enjoy acting like clowns now and then; but don’t expect them to be predictable all the time.
5. The right to quality health care. Please stay good friends with the vet!
6. The right to a good diet. Like some people, they don’t know what’s best for them. They depend on you.
7. The right not to be rejected because of expectations that they must be great show cats, or watch cats, etc.
8. The right to receive proper training. Otherwise, their good relationship could be marred by confusion and strife and they could become dangerous to themselves and others.
9. The right to guidance and correction based on understanding and compassion, rather than abuse.
10. The right to live with dignity… and to die with dignity when the time comes.

From Bob L.

Menu Foods Pet Food Recall

Beloved Brothers and Sisters in Paws,

Although we at Catnabbit try to bring you the lighter side of news, we have found that it would be very important to share this with you.  There is currently a pet food recall that could affect you.  Please check your cans of food to make sure that they were not manufactured by Menu Foods.  Most cat foods these days are manufactured by another company than the brand that is prominently listed on the label.  The manufacturer or distributor is listed on the back of the can in small print.

There have been at least 10 cats that have suffered and died from Kidney Failure as a result of eating the “cuts and gravy” foods supplied by Menu Foods.  Here is a full list of brands that are affected, although we’ve heard reports that there may be more, such as Iams and Eukanuba.  This affects CANNED FOOD and one dry food so far. The full list is below but some have been added in the comments (see #56 for example).   

Wondering what to do about this recall?  First, throw away the bad food or call the phone number to find out how to send it back as part of the recall.  Second, scroll to the bottom of this post for a link to the FDA to report adverse reactions to the recalled food.

Recalled Foods Link
http://www.menufoods.com/recall/

Recalled Cat Product Information
Recall Information 1-866-895-2708

 

Recalled Cat Product Information

Recall Information 1-866-895-2708

  1. Americas Choice, Preferred Pets
  2. Authority
  3. Best Choice
  4. Companion
  5. Compliments
  6. Demoulas Market Basket
  7. Eukanuba
  8. Fine Feline Cat
  9. Food Lion
  10. Foodtown
  11. Giant Companion
  12. Hannaford
  13. Hill Country Fare
  14. Hy-Vee
  15. Iams
  16. Key Food
  17. Laura Lynn
  18. Li’l Red
  19. Loving Meals
  20. Meijer’s Main Choice
  21. Nutriplan
  22. Nutro Max Gourmet Classics
  23. Nutro Natural Choice
  24. Paws
  25. Pet Pride
  26. Presidents Choice
  27. Price Chopper
  28. Priority
  29. Save-A-Lot
  30. Schnucks
  31. Sophistacat
  32. Special Kitty Canada
  33. Special Kitty US
  34. Springfield Prize
  35. Sprout
  36. Total Pet, My True Friend
  37. Wegmans
  38. Western Family
  39. White Rose
  40. Winn Dixie

1. Science Diet® Kitten Savory Cuts® Ocean Fish 3 oz. and 5.5 oz.
2. Science Diet® Feline Adult Savory Cuts® Beef 5.5 oz.
3. Science Diet® Feline Adult Savory Cuts® Chicken 5.5 oz.
4. Science Diet® Feline Adult Savory Cuts® Ocean Fish 5.5 oz.
5. Science Diet® Feline Senior Savory Cuts® Chicken 5.5 oz.

 

Recalled Dog Product Information
Recall Information 1-866-895-2708

  1. Americas Choice, Preferred Pets
  2. Authority
  3. Award
  4. Best Choice
  5. Big Bet
  6. Big Red
  7. Bloom
  8. Bruiser
  9. Cadillac
  10. Companion
  11. Demoulas Market Basket
  12. Eukanuba
  13. Food Lion
  14. Giant Companion
  15. Great Choice
  16. Hannaford
  17. Hill Country Fare
  18. Hy-Vee
  19. Iams
  20. Key Food
  21. Laura Lynn
  22. Loving Meals
  23. Meijers Main Choice
  24. Mixables
  25. Nutriplan
  26. Nutro Max
  27. Nutro Natural Choice
  28. Nutro
  29. Ol’Roy Canada
  30. Ol’Roy US
  31. Paws
  32. Pet Essentials
  33. Pet Pride - Good n Meaty
  34. Presidents Choice
  35. Price Chopper
  36. Priority
  37. Publix
  38. Roche Bros
  39. Save-A-Lot
  40. Schnucks
  41. Shep Dog
  42. Springsfield Prize
  43. Sprout
  44. Stater Bros
  45. Total Pet, My True Friend
  46. Western Family
  47. White Rose
  48. Winn Dixie
  49. Your Pet

From FDA News

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
P07-48
March 17, 2007

Media Inquiries:
Mike Herndon, 301-827-6242
Consumer Inquiries:
888-INFO-FDA

Recall of Pet Foods Manufactured by Menu Foods, Inc.

The Food and Drug Administration (FDA) has been informed that Menu Foods, Inc., a private-label pet food manufacturer based in Statesville, Ontario, Canada, is recalling all its “cuts and gravy” style dog and cat food produced at its facility in Emporia, Kansas between December 3, 2006 and March 6, 2007. The products are sold in the United States, Canada and Mexico.

The recall was prompted by consumer complaints received by the manufacturer and by tasting trials conducted by the manufacturer. There has been a small number of reported instances of cats and dogs in the United States that developed kidney failure after eating the affected product. Ten deaths, one dog and nine cats, have reported at this time. The firm has undertaken extensive testing of the pet food products in question, but to date has been unable to find the source of the problem.

The products are packaged in cans and pouches under numerous brand names and are marketed nationwide by many pet food retailers including Ahold USA Inc., Kroger Company, Safeway, Wal-Mart Stores, Inc., PetSmart, Inc., and Pet Valu, Inc.

Menu Foods, Inc. has identified the potentially contaminated products on the Internet at www.menufoods.com/recall. Consumers who have any of these products should immediately stop feeding them to their pets. Dogs or cats who have consumed the suspect feed and show signs of kidney failure (such as loss of appetite, lethargy and vomiting) should consult with their veterinarian. Menu Foods, Inc. is notifying retailers by telephone and mail and is arranging for the return of all recalled products.

FDA is conducting an investigation and working with Menu Foods, Inc. to ensure the effectiveness of the recall. Consumers with questions may contact the company at 1-866-895-2708. Consumers who wish to report adverse actions or other problems can go to http://www.FDA.gov/opacom/backgrounders/complain.html to contact the FDA complaint coordinator in their state.

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Menu Foods, Inc. Press Release - “Precautionary” Recall

Procter & Gamble Recall Information

Hill’s Science Diet Recall Information

Nutro Recall Information

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Please leave a comment if you have more information that isn’t already listed here so that others can benefit from your knowledge.  Thanks!

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