Pros and Cons of Hiring Housecats to Drive New York City Cabs
PROS
- Will work all day for a tin of sardines.
- Have excellent night vision. Won’t even need to turn on headlights to drive at night.
- Can tip them with a hunk of liver or piece of string.
- Can tell when cat is pleased with tip by pleasant purring sound.
- Cats have excellent reflexes, perfect for hectic city streets.
- They’re neat, and can keep themselves clean all day with their tongue.
- Won’t have to leave cab to go to bathroom. Can keep a small box of kitty litter on front seat for bathroom needs.
- If they drive too fast, or try to take you on a round-about trip to jack-up the fare, you can simply grab them by scruff of neck and make them freeze.
- If they ever go into a high speed roll, cats will be able to land cab back on its four wheels.
- Names like Mittens, Frisky, and Bailey much easier to remember than those difficult foreign names.
CONS
- Same language problems as with current cabbies.
- Fish breath.
- While speeding along, cat might see a small piece of paper and go speeding after it.
- Cats never come when they’re called.
- Cat might try to crash cab into dog runs in an attempt to take out as many dogs as possible.
- Annoying habit of coughing up fur balls when stopped at light.
- On cold days, cats might spend whole day parked over a warm, steaming grate.
- Cats might not care if they get into accidents, thinking they have a lives to spare.
- Always turning the radio up way too loud when cat food commercials come on.
- Cat might get distracted by dice hanging in rearview mirror, start swatting at it, and cause accident.
Copyright © Pete Thomas